BIG FAKE BOOBS and Soccer Moms

Everywhere I go now in Southern Suburbia, USA, I see BIG FAKE BOOBS!  I think American women have gone crazy about owning BIG FAKE BOOBS!  Usually the bigger the better.  


They believe BIG FAKE BOOBS will solve all their problems!  I’m not talking about a pair of normal looking Ds, I’m talking about Double Ds, Triple Ds, Es, Fs, and Gs!   Women definitely don’t care that they look fake, because anybody that’s ever seen a pair of real ones knows they are not the real deal.  Women think that no matter how out of shape they are, just throwing on a pair of BALLOON looking BIG FAKE BOOBS and they are instantly beautiful!  I’m not talking about young starlets in Hollywood or girls working at the local “Gentleman’s Club.”   I’m talking about the epidemic of BIG FAKE BOOBS with soccer moms.  I think the only thing soccer moms love more than their big SUVs are their BIG FAKE BOOBS. The sad thing is that most guys under 35 don’t remember a time when all the women didn’t have BIG FAKE BOOBS, so they’re not even sure what a real pair of BOOBS actually looks like!   As I’m typing this blog from Barnes and Noble, I’m looking at a pair of BIG FAKE BOOBS on a thirty something year old blond soccer mom.  She is about 5’ 2’’ that needs to lose 30 pounds, but instead of going to the gym, she just bought a pair of those BIG FAKE BALLOON looking BOOBS.

To balance out this unnatural trend, I think all men should go out and buy big fake schlongs.  All men should get 12 inch schlongs and prance around in skin-tight jeans,  and try to impress every female they can.   I guess you could really call that “peacocking!” Remember guys, it doesn’t matter if you have a beer gut, no hair, and brown stained teeth, just go out and buy yourself a big fake schlong and wear it proudly in your tightest jeans.  Better yet, a pair of biking shorts so everyone will notice how well-endowed and sexy you are! Go out with your new big fake schlong and go pee-COCKING!

I’ll bet that women would cry, “that’s disgusting!  How perverted those men look!” The sad thing is men and most women don’t say how stupid these women look with their  BIG FAKE BOOBS!

You gotta’ respect Paris Hilton, she’s got class……….and her own real BOOBS!  “You go girl” be proud of your own body!

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